What No One Tells You About "Third Culture Kids"

I often find it difficult to answer the question “Where are you from?” which I was pleasantly surprised of how much that question would come up when I got to university. My experience so far moving back to Canada has been a constant shift in how I view my cultural identity and where I feel I belong to.

Background Story

Both of my parents immigrated from Asia to Canada for a better life, so they spent most of their ‘developing’ years influenced by Canadian culture. Fast forward to the year I was born, my dad made the decision for us to move back to Hong Kong for better opportunities for his career (which was the opposite story of most ‘Chinese Born Canadian’s you may meet). Hence, I spent my whole life in Hong Kong, attending local school, but also speaking English and being constantly influenced by Canadian culture. In addition, we would come back to Canada every summer to visit my grandparents in Toronto, which for me personally was my escape from my demanding life in Hong Kong.

Overall, the whole concept of identity and belonging has always been a blur to me. I grew up constantly in a state of confusion in which culture I fit in, did I fit in with my Hong Kong peers in school? Or was I Canadian because of my strong interest and preference to Western culture? I thought that since I would spend my summers in Canada, that made me Canadian. Adding on, as a teenager I was completely obsess with pop culture and idolized celebrities. All these experiences left me in a state of confusion of my identity and belonging, so since I did not feel like I could relate to my peers at school, I believed that I must have been more ‘Canadian’

I believe as human beings, it is our innate nature to find our belonging. This also relates to how the common value in all cultures place heavy importance on family regarding our many differences. However, growing up in such a mixed cultural family, it is hard to say which culture you would relate the most, when you have never had the complete cultural experience of one.

Moving to Canada

When I packed up my bags and moved across the world permanently back to my birth country, I thought it would feel like ‘home’. I was fed up with my life in Hong Kong, and believed I would finally be back where I belonged. Little did I know I was horribly mistaken.

My first year in Ottawa, I would say was a ‘cultural awakening.’ Moving from my home to somewhere I thought was home, but was culturally rejected every where I went. I found it hard not only moving to a new city where I had no friends or family, but also coming to the horrible realization that I was also not as ‘Canadian’ as I thought I was. It took a long time to find friends I could truly befriend, that moved past the mere shallow ‘How are you?’, since I also had a lot of social anxiety coming into university. Most often in conversations, I felt left out due to the lack of ‘Canadian’ experience, e.g. prom, spelling bees, etc. But I can say that after four years of being in Ottawa, I’ve found a group of friends that I can say despite our many ‘cultural’ differences, I can call them my family.

I can admittedly say that the experience that has stuck with me the most being a third culture kid, has been the loneliness of it all. Yes, there are other third culture kids that I know, but each person has their own individual experience, their own difference of culture, their own struggles of identity and belonging, that no one can completely understand. Heck, I would even say my experience is very different from my sister’s. It is quite a lonely and isolated place to be in, but I must say that I am grateful for these struggles, because they have made me stronger in knowing my true identity and belonging is. Although I may not relate to most, of having a “home” or a “sense of belonging”, I think the lack thereof has made me more in touch with coming to acceptance that I may never find that and that is okay as well.

Being rootless has given me a sense of freedom. I feel grateful for the experiences I’ve had, and I am proud to feel, above all, like a citizen of the world. The possibilities for the future are endless. The sense of being at home anywhere, yet feeling that home is nowhere, is part of who I am.

                          - Ndéla Faye "Am I rootless, or am I free? ‘Third culture kids’ like me make it up as we go along"

What are your personal experiences with finding your cultural identity? Shoot me a quick message, I would love to have a discussion and hear your thoughts on it.